Odofemi

RADICAL FEMINISTS ARE WORTH NONE OF YOUR TIME

a litany of prayers to the self and the Trans Ancestors

*

In the names of the Mothers, Sylvia Rivera and Marsha Pay-It-No-Mind Johnson,

the Daughters, Venus Xtravaganza and Greer Lankton,

and the Holy Ghosts, Mark Aguhar and Candy Darling,

I pray for the strength to not let my attention be diverted,

from the artwork and lifework of those Beautiful Queens.

*

Let not the terrible machinations of those False Feminists,

C.B., Dirt, et al.,

occupy my mind, body, or soul,

which I dedicate unto the divine work of #girlslikeus.

*

For late at night, though I may walk through the Valley of the Shadows of their hate-filled blogs,

I shall fear no evil.

For I know that I am among the chosen.

I stand on the shoulders of Ancestors spanning all of time, in every culture,

where we have been and are healers, artists, spirit-workers, and lovers.

*

And from these Ancestors I will have strength.

And from that strength I will remember

that it does not befit a Queen to Pay It Any Mind,

and I will remember that we are all Great Queens on this Earth.

*

ODOFEMI, 2013.

My doctor, who is a trans woman, and I had a conversation today about the guy who raped me earlier this year. At first she was like “did you charge him?” When I explained that he’s a trans man of colour, she immediately got why I hadn’t. Not because I couldn’t bare to put a trans person, especially a trans person of colour, in jail (which I can’t), but also because it would cause me to be completely ostracized by the queer/trans community in Toronto. I’d be “just another crazy trans woman.” It was an uncomfortable realization for both of us to sit there, as trans women, knowing that we have literally no recourse when violence is enacted on us within the community (though if the same violence conveniently came from a white cis straight man, we would be celebrated as heroes for standing up to such an easy target, at least within the queer/trans community).

She and I both, as professionals in the community, are well aware of the fine line we have to walk in order to be taken seriously in the queer/trans community. We not only have to look a certain way (both in terms of passing and in terms of conforming to queer normative acceptable standards of appearance), we also have to make sure not to rock the boat too much. We have to appear as sane and calm as possible, no matter the circumstances. If we show too much emotion at any time (read: any inconvenient emotion), we get hit with a double-whammy of misogyny and transphobia, quickly written off as hysterical “crazy trans women.” Accuse the wrong person of something, anyone too close to queer-home, and that’s the end of our credibility and the revoking of our entrance passes to Queerlandia.

It’s exhausting having to walk such a fine line. I’ve found that there are so many “danger zones” to watch out for. Trans women have to not only be queer-literate (knowing queer social justice language), we have to be exceptionally good at using it. Any minor slip of language or politics and we’re labeled “crazy trans women” by cis people while trans men nod knowingly in agreement — rarely standing up for us, and just as often perpetuating the ‘crazy trans woman’ stereotype themselves.

I became aware of this initially through cryptic warnings from an older queer trans woman friend of mine, years before I became involved in the queer community, but I didn’t realize the extent of it at first. That is, until I was invited to participate in it. When I first became involved heavily, I befriended two trans men whom I looked up to a great deal, and one of the first conversations we had in private was a gossip session in which they “warned” me about various trans women and got me to agree that they were “crazy.” I’ve found similar conversations throughout the community, often used in a way that it makes me wonder if what’s really happening is that they’re subconsciously testing my loyalty to the queer zeitgeist. Am I good tranny or a bad tranny? Am I willing to be part of their clique, giving them the ability to deflect any and all criticism of transmisogyny, or am I a “problem?”

Before I realized that this was a system, that trans women were being systematically tested and written off, I engaged in it myself. You get a self-esteem boost, knowing that the cool kids don’t count you among those trans women. Those trans women who stepped on the wrong toes, who take up “too much space,” who don’t have the right guilt-producing identity complex to be worthy of space (disabled young trans sex workers of colour who vogue are considered highly prized friend-accessories, to be seen but not really heard beyond the occasional “gurl” for comedic effect, but only if they have the right haircut and the right clothes and are working towards a bachelors of gender studies or similarly useless degree).

Who are these “crazy trans women?” Often they are incredibly sincere activists who haven’t had the privilege of being taught all of the ins and outs of anti-oppression social justice practice that is a prerequisite to membership in this queer community. Often they are labeled “too emotional” and “too angry,” “loose cannons” who are out of control when speaking about our experiences of sex work that don’t fit into the easily digestible “I do queer feminist porn on weekends to pay for my fluevogs while I’m in grad school” vision of sex work that the queer community has deemed acceptable. Often they are trans women who are said to take up “too much space,” while everyone whispers about how “you know, I know it’s wrong to say, but she just seems like she has male privilege, you know? Like you can just feel it. Not that I’m saying she’s a man, but, you know, you never know.”

At the end of the day, this whole complex of issues is simply misogyny, ableism, and transphobia dressed up as “community accountability.” It holds trans women to impossible standards, opening us up to vulnerability to all forms of in-community violence (physical, sexual, social), and creating a fear within the minds of so many queer trans women that our second-class position within the queer community could be ripped from our hands at any time for any minor infraction.

I’m tired of trying not to be a crazy trans woman in the voyeuristic eyes of queer community.

Morgan M Page/Odofemi, 2013.

Here’s a list of ways I’ve come up with for trans people to deal with attacks by radfems.

1. Let some trans people who are being attacked (or, if you’re the one being attacked, then any trans friends you have, especially trans women) know that you appreciate them/their work, that you think they are awesome and lovely, and that you support them, and that you’re glad that they are part of your life.

2. Build community! The cure to poisonous community is not to try to save that community, but to build new, stronger, healthier community. Create events, blogs, youtube videos, art, or whatever you want that will draw in likeminded people and make a safer space for people who are awesome. Or even just have a few trans friends over for dinner (maybe make it a regular thing, or turn it into a bookclub or sex party). Eventually, most of the jerks will give up being jerks and come to the cool side of things that you’ve created.

3. Play with cats, or dogs, or babies, or books.

4. DO NOT ENGAGE. This is the most important part. Do not engage with radfem trolls. You will waste all of the energy you could be spending building community, making art, having amazing sex, petting cats, and having fun. And that will make you sad. So just don’t engage. You can’t convince them that they are wrong, usually, but you can live a much better life than theirs.

5. If you are going to engage with them, take the moral highroad. Don’t let them wind you up. Don’t let them bait you into saying things they can misconstrue as offensive or violent. Be careful with your words. This will illustrate just how hateful they are to any casual observer, because when this approach is used, they get wound up and become nearly incoherent. It’s also really funny.

What are your ways of dealing with radfem hate mongers?

I wish queers would realize that they need to keep their hands to themselves. During the Cum2GetHer party after No More Apologies, there was some non-consensual touching of my body and clothing while I was trying to go-go dance.

I think queer cis women and trans folks need to ask themselves the following before coming onto someone in a bar “If I saw a cis straight man do this to someone, how would I feel about that?” If the answer is “I would think he’s a misogynist/be creeped out/be worried about the woman he’s sexually harassing,” then you need to not do that.

I like being flirted with. But I don’t like when drunk girls (or guys, or whoevers) grab at me, or shove their tongues down my throat, or grope me, or otherwise overtly sexually touch me without any lead-in. I’m not even asking for people to ask me directly (although that would be nice). Just please give some non-verbal cues for a couple of minutes and read my verbal and non-verbal cues. Don’t just grab my clothing or kiss me out of nowhere. If we’re sexy-dancing together, and it turns into grinding, chances are I’d be ok with being kissed. If I’m dancing by myself and you appear out of nowhere and suddenly your tongue is in my mouth, I’m not going to be happy about that. And if I’m go-go dancing (which I consider work), do not grab at my clothes or body.

Thanks!

I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you

I love your hairy backs and your broad shoulders,

I love your strong jawlines, and your wide hips,

I love your masculinities, and your femininities,

I love your receding hairlines, and your wigs,

I love your small breasts, and your packers,

I love you in your moments of dysphoria as much as I love you in your moments of euphoria,

I LOVE YOUR SURGICAL SCARS.

I love you. All of you.

I do not pick and choose what I love about you.

I do not treat you like a burden to be put up with.

Because I love you. As you are. Not who I wish you were. Not who I would rather be with.

Know that you are not lesser-than.

Know that you are greater-than.

And know that I love you.

<3

~Morgan M. Page (a radical Trans Woman who loves Trans people of all genders and genitals for who they are)